wow! well Sunday was a really good sermon at our church! i cried all through the praise and worship time, even had to leave to recompose (and it was horrible getting out of our internal-positioned seats) but i managed...
the truth was there, so raw and present. i just had moment after moment of realizations and convictions. it was intense. i didn't even let Matt or myself leave the campus afterwards until we'd talked it through...we discussed things and our futures for about 30 minutes.
we even went back to the 5:30 service to listen to the points made, one more time.
i just feel convicted, i agree so much with the distractions of this world... they are everywhere, they're all around us. they are at the shop i work at, in the planning for the house we are on the path to building, they are in our routines, our TV shows, our money, our self image....i hate it all. i hate it. and i hate that i am so negative here, but it is just that i really don't feel like i will EVER be able to get out of it, out of the sucking, strangling whirlpool; unless i am just completely, completely REMOVED FROM IT ALL.
i just wish i could be living day in and day out in a remote place, sharing what i believe eternally matters; salvation in our savior, Christ, and not looking in the mirror so much...
i know i have a little bit of control over that wish, but the biggest conflict for me is that i don't feel like i have absolute control over that wish. i feel like, how are you supposed to be extreme, when your partner is not...i am married so i cannot just leave, i know that doesn't mean i can't do short term missions. so i think that should be my aim. i mean we have already gone to Africa once.
i know there are things to do here, too. i just feel like i need to be getting more involved in furthering my education, as well. so i am going to go to some Equipping classes at Watermark this summer and the summer Bible study they are offering.
it is so awesome our church offers SO much!
i just want to be faithful and just feel like i am one of those people who is either all in or all out and am finding it difficult to find a balance.
Matt and i talked a lot...the Lord will help us sort things out but we have to be calling on him in all our decision making, that i know!
it is NEVER going to get any easier...
like my mom always said, " no one ever said this life was going to be easy. "
i couldn't agree with this any more...
this is what it said on Watermarks page next to the sermon:
What is your response to the Gospel? Each of us falls into one of four categories depending on how we've heard and acted on the good news of Jesus Christ. Teaching on another of Jesus' parables in this episode, Jonathan Pokluda discusses the parable of the sower and what each of the types of soil represent.
these are some of my thoughts:
we are called to proclaim the Good News (that God sent his one and only son, Christ to die for our sins, so that we can, one day, be in the presences of our perfect God) and we are to fully expect persecution. we are to hear out unbelievers or questionable believer's questions and if we do not know the answers we are to try to find out. we are not to make converts, but to just plant a seed with the aim of introducing someone to the Savior we personally know and trust in and in hopes that they too will be Disciples of Christ one day. our prayer should be that the Holy Spirit moves within them, unveiling the Light of the Lord.
i don't want to be one of those people who lacks the understanding and never pushes to find the meanings. i don't want to KEEP getting distracted along the way... i don't like this NOISE POLLUTION all around me. i don't feel like i am ever going to be able to rise above it, in this lifetime, though i really wish i could...i am not of this world, i don't want to love this world or the things of this world b/c then i am of this world. the Lord had called me OUT of this world to stand up for him and to spread his word. i truly believe that the more you have, the LESS you feel like you need God. if you feel like you have all you need, then why do you need God? what do you need him for? but none of these things last, none of these things are eternal. none of these things are ever going to fully please, we live in a fallen, imperfect world. i know we are supposed to enjoy things, b/c the Lord made them all, BUT it must be within a balanced mind-frame. they become distractions if they come before the Lord and i know i am going to constantly struggle with that, esp. if i keep gaining new things. i am scared about that and the path we are going to take.
i want to be deep rooted in the Word of Christ. i don't want to be too busy building MY kingdom.
"Blessed are those who are persecuted for there's is the Kingdom of the Lord" Matthew 5:10
wow! i just saw this and am going to do a few things: read it again in another sitting, listen to the message, pray, and respond. =) i love that you and matt had a great conversation. and, i love that you and your mother also had one. thanks for (as you said in your later post) making yourself vulnerable and sharing some of what is on your heart. i'm looking forward to listening to the teaching!
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